October 23, 2004
Fear
We all, unless we're very skilled meditators, often find ourselves at the mercy of our emotions. Some emotions like hate and anger can slowly eat away at our serenity turning us into rabid obsessed sick little humans. Others like fear and anxiety can transform us into depressed nervous wrecks. I've known many many anxiety sufferers and can attest to the condition being epidemic. Obviously if at all possible the anxiety sufferer must take steps to attempt to transcend the condition. It's arguably true to say that you're either the master of your emotions or your emotions are the master of you. As a meditator i'm reasonably adept at transcending most anxieties and fears or at least in turning the torrent of panic into an irritating trickle but some fears remain constant and need to be attended to on a continual basis.
My wife is expecting our first baby in a couple of weeks. Our fear that 'something will be wrong with the baby' is intense. I'm reliably informed that once the baby is born that fear will be replaced with the fear 'that the baby will suddenly stop breathing' and that when the SIDS risk is finally put to rest all manner of other fears re baby wellness will raise their hands vying for the prestigious position of top anxiety. And from there the fear will develop into worrying that the toddler won't run into traffic, that the teenager won't be sexually molested by a teacher or that the young adult won't take some bad acid at a dance party.
So fear is never ending. Our ability to deal with with it is directly related to our sense of perspective and our meditational ability. The good news is that help is now out there and that the old remedy of throwing valium at people is fast disappearing. Many people these days tackle their demons with cognitive behavioural therapy. Here's a link to a story about actor Garry Macdonald and his own struggle.
Garry's story
I feed my fear chocolate, Nik!
Posted by: Janee at November 1, 2004 1:24 PMchocolate scares me, Janee!
Posted by: nik at November 1, 2004 2:14 PMSend it to me, Nik!!
Posted by: Janee at November 1, 2004 4:30 PMNik,
I know well your feelings about fears of fatherhood.
In 1989 were having a baby and eight month's into the pregancy my partner started to bleed!! We found our baby had died in the womb. Life seemed crazy, we had to go through the whole birth process, knowing the child would be still born. Our worst fears had become a reality. We supported eachother and worked through what was happening to us. Our little girl (Sarah) hadn't even arrived in the world and was gone. We had her in our hospital room for a whole day. She looked perfect in every way. We said goodbye. I still miss this child we lost and wonder what sort of teenager I would be relating to now in 2004. The experience changed my life and my partners life. In her death our child had made us grow as people and cope with the unbearable loss. We found lots of people have these experiences but rarely talk about them. Three years after losing our daughter, we had a son (Theo). Now he is 11 years old and amazes me everyday with his wisdom and gentleness. I just wanted you to know that even if you found yourself in similar circumstances the things our children teach us are always amazing. We came to the conclusion that our daughter chose us to complete her journey and didn't need to enter the world. We buried her a sea and had a buddhist service to send her on her journey. Our son is still teaching us how to be human beings! Now in meditation I go towards the fear and face it, accepting the fear of death as part of the joy of life. I wish you and your partner the very best of birthing experiences.
Bob, that's such a sad story. thanks so much for telling it. i really appreciate it. it's my every fear come true but of course you're right re the accepting the fear of death as part of the joy of life.
i've spent a lot of time around death in the last few years and altho i've become used to it on one level, i almost expect it all the time on another level which is certainly a paranoid reaction. i'll write to you later tonight. Thanks for that.